I am happy to say that I am a cool wife. Yep. By this I mean that I am neither a doormat nor an evil shrew. I don't take no abuse and I don't give any. If I ever do by mistake, you had better believe I apologize and I mean it and I make darn sure it doesn't happen again and I expect the exact same from my husband. I try to enjoy life and spread the joy around, and the number one person that I love is my husband, and so, when you love someone, you want them to be happy, and making them happy would feel good and that good vibe would bounce right back at ya and there you'd have it, a happy scene, a happy home. It is totally ok to open yourself up to love giving and love receiving and being COOL to someone! Don't be sucky! Don't allow yourself to be treated wrong! Speak up immediately, immediately, immediately, say HEY! Thats not cool AT ALL! and explain. Be able to hear the same from your partner. BE COOL TO OTHERS!
Allow me to extrapolate: I do not get pleasure by seeing to it that my husband is deprived or beat down or depressed or feeling lower and/or crappier when I am around. I do not degrade him, diss him, hate on him, roll my eyes at his jokes, boss him like an evil substitute teacher, treat him like a servant, rain on his parade, ignore him, berate him, isolate him, control him, embarrass him or do passive aggressive manipulative stuff to him. Sick! Would you like that? YUCK!
Common decency starts from the moment you wake up. Throw everything you ever read in the women's mags and all the demented stuff you learned on MTV and Doctor Drew and Doctor Phil and just start by being a good roommate. Then move up to friend. Then maybe youll get promoted to lover--teehee. Remember who you love and why you love them and above all treat others the way you would like to be (and deserve to be!) treated.
If you do not love them or all you can do is sit there and huff and think "he needs to read this, not me" then you need to go to counseling or consider splitting up. Its 2007, it happens!
I repeat the bit about a decent roommate, because here is what decent roommates do that so many long term couples still cant seem to handle: SHARING and CARING! Yes, people, you are only 50% of the little bubble that is coupledom, and that means 50% of the housework, the back rubbing, the helping, the alone time, the active listening, and the REMOTE!
Work out deals. Constantly. "If you do the dishes Ill do the folding"...negotiate
"If you get that crap put back in the garage I will bring in all that crap from the attic and we can go through it together"...negotiate
"If I do this entire horrible bathroom will you go get us sundaes?"...negotiate
"If I get to sleep in tomorrow, you can on Sunday"...negotiate
"What shows would you want to watch if you had the house all to yourself? This is what I would watch...lets work something out..." negotiate
"I seriously cannot plan one more menu. Please help me think of food to buy and I will help you with your___ that has been driving you nuts"...negotiate
"Can we cut a deal regarding me not doing these dishes tonight?" (sexy wink) LOL
I could go on and on. But seriously! Why and when did being super mean and distant and or/evil and power mongering and controlling and seething become the standard year 2 until death or divorce way of treating each other?
I am a *cool wife* because I see how happy my husband is to be with me, to live with me, to hang out with me--HELLO--what about the fine and simple art of HANGING OUT?
There are no excuses for not trying this. There are no lack of babysitters, because you want to know another secret of me and Steve? We have a special date night almost every night. We celebrate e v e r y t h i n g. We celebrate things such as:
Its the weekend!
I worked late tonight!
Its halfway through the week!
I think my cold is getting better!
We didn't bounce any checks!
I love my new haircut!
I love your new pajamas! Go put them on for me!
We have leftover pizza AND pop AND ice!
I TiVo'ed something ridiculous on VH1 for us!
Lets do a fire in the fireplace!
Survivor is on tonight!
I don't like to reveal quite this much about my private private life. It feels a bit freaky. But what I don't like even more are all these lovebirds who are being so bad to each other. Life's short, folks. Find happiness in yourself, and spread it on. It really is ok to be a cool partner/roommate/spouse. In fact, its totally contagious ;)