We just got a $700 water bill for three months. My mom says that is really high and something is wrong. But we thought that at our old house.
We run the washer all day and all night, 24/7, yes its true. But (sorry to be gross) nobody around here gets a daily shower, I would say Steve and Greta take the most and neither of them lingers in there like I sometimes do. We dont have a swimming pool or a "leak"--but man o man do we run that dishwasher. 3 or 4 times a day.
So I think in the interest of flat -out-cash, I am going to go buy a huge huge stockpile of paper plates, paper bowls and paper cups. I know its bad for the Earth but so is running water, etc. Then I could wash only pots and silverware. I really want to try it for 3 months and see what happens cuz this is so bad!
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
rural/urban ramblings for parents
First of all, lets suspend all "realities", ok? Cause thats boring.
Now, I want to tell you that I have a huge thing that I obsess about, a yin-yang, a black-versus-white that I always think about: Rural versus urban. What do I want? What is better? What is cooler? Where do I really want to live? (again, we live right here and we arent moving. this is about vibes and dreams)
I think that fresh air and simple living absolutely and totally ROCK. Vermont, trees, no raking leaves, burning firewood, making a big huge cauldron of soup for little kids who wear moccasins and sleep in trundle beds made of logs, digging and playing with shovels and rocks, rosy cheeks, goodness, anti-consumerism, back to the land, hearty healthy goodness and pure human existence, that is what I LOVE. A little patch of unspoiled land, wood smoke and oak leaves, wool sweaters and hearty grog, a chess set, an old truck, books and maybe radio reception. A garden, a real garden that you live on, a drive into town being a big deal, popcorn made in one of those metal roasty-things, tree houses, you know. EXCEPT: Actual living in the actual "country" seems to actually mean bored angry hicks on crystal meth, nothing to do except get wasted and shoot things, high unemployment rates, scary trailer people, loneliness, lack of access to 911 service. I picture me and Steve sitting under the stars...and then I picture the kids growing into adulthood "wanting to get the heck out of this retarded hell-hole" and leaving me behind with the chickens and the neo-cons. sucky, right?
Ok, so urban dreams: Some gorgeous walk-up apartment , maybe a brownstone, in a vibrant community, jazz music fills the air, people of all colors hanging out, museums, concerts, markets wafting the incredible smells of far away delicacies into your window, writers, musicians, all coming to call, a truly eclectic lifestyle, all inclusive, open, lots of eating at the sidewalk cafe, lots of coffee, bagels, and colors. Vibrant, full, rich, human. NO shortage of experiences, ideas, liberal paradise, intelligent companionship, gorgeous mid century modern furnishings, old and new and poetry slams. EXCEPT: actual living in the actual big city seems to actually mean gun fire, crime, exorbitant rents, no fresh air, no quiet, no peace, no solitude. Materialism, shopping, exhaust fumes, no stars in the sky, no animals besides pigeons, electronica invading all manner of daily affairs, kids not even knowing what a treehouse is, let alone having the space to actually build one, things like creeks, bogs, and swimming-holes all replaced by chuck e cheese and the indoor splash zone at the 300$ a night hotel, chlorine-burns included.
SO what do I actually hate? Suburbia. God I hate suburbia. But so many of us live in it, and the attempt to have it all is actually at its highest possibilities in a suburban setting, I guess. Depending on what metropolis you are a part if, if you are at all, we could feasibly have our creek and our museums, too. But at what price? Isnt there a hollowness in making a tree house from neat and tidy pressboard from Lowe's? Isnt there a hollowness in growing a garden just for fun, and not really bothering to care if it goes bad or gets eaten by suburban bunnies, because, really, we are just gonna eat at Red Robin anyhow? Isnt there a strange irony or something about our gas guzzling treks to "vacation" in the over crowded cement-pads we call camping, or for that matter, our gas guzzling treks to the city to get our lil' cultural groove on and have a night of Greek food and open mic in that part of town?
I have no solution, really, and I do not think I am onto anything new here. People in NewYork flock in droves to Central Park, and people in rural areas crave and demand the same shopping opportunities as their city neighbors. So, what? the rich, they have more than one house-bam-solved. The trend is also to maybe move away to a little cabin by the lake when we are old, when the kids are grown--which brings me to my real existential dilemma, if you will: How and what is the best way to raise our kids? Is it fair to keep them out in the country when they are trying to navigate the unsteady waters of puberty and the only other kids they ever met were at the truck stop and whose dark circles under their eyes told of glue huffing and sexual abuse? Is it fair to keep them in the high rise apartments, away from nature, away from the sounds of our planet, the birds, the trees, the rhythms of the sun obliterated by the billboards' glare, never growing familiar with an old Oak, never "knowing" a creek or befriending a squirrel, never "building" anything that wasnt made of red and blue plastic, or eating anything that wasnt lovingly prepared and preserved for ultra shelf-life from the flickering fluorescent aisles of megamarket incorporated? Would your toddlers have heart attacks if your cable tv went out?
Luddism?... Love it. Hate it. I know all about it. Its the reluctant feeling that we sort of laugh about in our family as I kind of pretend in an earth-mama/maternal feminist leaning that I dont know how to hook up the DVD player, or "work" the Ipod(s).
Our circle of friends has done smashingly well at straddling these lines, in inner ring suburbs, with intelligent/artistic/liberal leanings, love of technology and real camping, love of coking over the fire and wearing clothes that they certainly did not sew themselves. (But they could!)
Maybe this is where we really are, gen X, embracing all we have inherited, appreciating the arts, the quirks, the things our dual income parents in the shoulder padded 80's thought they had to eschew for us, maybe this is exactly where we are and maybe the only thing that has to change at all is the guilt and the dissatisfaction.
We have friends who like to call themselves Urban Homesteaders, raising rabbits, honeybees and homeschooling, right in a regular neighborhood, on a regular block. I like that idea. We have friends who are amazing cooks and hikers but hire out all of their yardwork. We have friends who are musicians, repairmen, repairwomen, blue collar, white collar and all sorts of family situations. But none of us lives in the actual city or the actual country and none of us are suburban jerkos, obsessed with our lawns or going to the mall.
We are choosing to raise our kids right here because of the neighborhood. It is amazing, a truly supportive community, with activities and friends and a real sense of kids first. Yeah, lots of those kids you never see--they go from school to lessons to dads house to moms house to daycare to grandmas to school to lessons to camp..their little feet rarely stepping out of the car. But for all of those poor little souls, there are tons of kids who really do play with sticks and mud and who run run run until their cheeks blaze pink and it has nothing to do with tokens, flashing lights or high fructose corn syrup, bless their hearts.
We have a unique opportunity and burden raising kids right now. Too many choices can be a burden, but such an opportunity, as well. Read up, learn alot, and follow your hearts, parents. Then put down all those books and just be with the kids. Watch them, listen to them, see what feels right, see what brings out their best, see what does not. Build your lives accordingly, as finances will allow, remembering all along the vast majority of people on Earth who do not have any such trivial "choices" to make at all!
Now, I want to tell you that I have a huge thing that I obsess about, a yin-yang, a black-versus-white that I always think about: Rural versus urban. What do I want? What is better? What is cooler? Where do I really want to live? (again, we live right here and we arent moving. this is about vibes and dreams)
I think that fresh air and simple living absolutely and totally ROCK. Vermont, trees, no raking leaves, burning firewood, making a big huge cauldron of soup for little kids who wear moccasins and sleep in trundle beds made of logs, digging and playing with shovels and rocks, rosy cheeks, goodness, anti-consumerism, back to the land, hearty healthy goodness and pure human existence, that is what I LOVE. A little patch of unspoiled land, wood smoke and oak leaves, wool sweaters and hearty grog, a chess set, an old truck, books and maybe radio reception. A garden, a real garden that you live on, a drive into town being a big deal, popcorn made in one of those metal roasty-things, tree houses, you know. EXCEPT: Actual living in the actual "country" seems to actually mean bored angry hicks on crystal meth, nothing to do except get wasted and shoot things, high unemployment rates, scary trailer people, loneliness, lack of access to 911 service. I picture me and Steve sitting under the stars...and then I picture the kids growing into adulthood "wanting to get the heck out of this retarded hell-hole" and leaving me behind with the chickens and the neo-cons. sucky, right?
Ok, so urban dreams: Some gorgeous walk-up apartment , maybe a brownstone, in a vibrant community, jazz music fills the air, people of all colors hanging out, museums, concerts, markets wafting the incredible smells of far away delicacies into your window, writers, musicians, all coming to call, a truly eclectic lifestyle, all inclusive, open, lots of eating at the sidewalk cafe, lots of coffee, bagels, and colors. Vibrant, full, rich, human. NO shortage of experiences, ideas, liberal paradise, intelligent companionship, gorgeous mid century modern furnishings, old and new and poetry slams. EXCEPT: actual living in the actual big city seems to actually mean gun fire, crime, exorbitant rents, no fresh air, no quiet, no peace, no solitude. Materialism, shopping, exhaust fumes, no stars in the sky, no animals besides pigeons, electronica invading all manner of daily affairs, kids not even knowing what a treehouse is, let alone having the space to actually build one, things like creeks, bogs, and swimming-holes all replaced by chuck e cheese and the indoor splash zone at the 300$ a night hotel, chlorine-burns included.
SO what do I actually hate? Suburbia. God I hate suburbia. But so many of us live in it, and the attempt to have it all is actually at its highest possibilities in a suburban setting, I guess. Depending on what metropolis you are a part if, if you are at all, we could feasibly have our creek and our museums, too. But at what price? Isnt there a hollowness in making a tree house from neat and tidy pressboard from Lowe's? Isnt there a hollowness in growing a garden just for fun, and not really bothering to care if it goes bad or gets eaten by suburban bunnies, because, really, we are just gonna eat at Red Robin anyhow? Isnt there a strange irony or something about our gas guzzling treks to "vacation" in the over crowded cement-pads we call camping, or for that matter, our gas guzzling treks to the city to get our lil' cultural groove on and have a night of Greek food and open mic in that part of town?
I have no solution, really, and I do not think I am onto anything new here. People in NewYork flock in droves to Central Park, and people in rural areas crave and demand the same shopping opportunities as their city neighbors. So, what? the rich, they have more than one house-bam-solved. The trend is also to maybe move away to a little cabin by the lake when we are old, when the kids are grown--which brings me to my real existential dilemma, if you will: How and what is the best way to raise our kids? Is it fair to keep them out in the country when they are trying to navigate the unsteady waters of puberty and the only other kids they ever met were at the truck stop and whose dark circles under their eyes told of glue huffing and sexual abuse? Is it fair to keep them in the high rise apartments, away from nature, away from the sounds of our planet, the birds, the trees, the rhythms of the sun obliterated by the billboards' glare, never growing familiar with an old Oak, never "knowing" a creek or befriending a squirrel, never "building" anything that wasnt made of red and blue plastic, or eating anything that wasnt lovingly prepared and preserved for ultra shelf-life from the flickering fluorescent aisles of megamarket incorporated? Would your toddlers have heart attacks if your cable tv went out?
Luddism?... Love it. Hate it. I know all about it. Its the reluctant feeling that we sort of laugh about in our family as I kind of pretend in an earth-mama/maternal feminist leaning that I dont know how to hook up the DVD player, or "work" the Ipod(s).
Our circle of friends has done smashingly well at straddling these lines, in inner ring suburbs, with intelligent/artistic/liberal leanings, love of technology and real camping, love of coking over the fire and wearing clothes that they certainly did not sew themselves. (But they could!)
Maybe this is where we really are, gen X, embracing all we have inherited, appreciating the arts, the quirks, the things our dual income parents in the shoulder padded 80's thought they had to eschew for us, maybe this is exactly where we are and maybe the only thing that has to change at all is the guilt and the dissatisfaction.
We have friends who like to call themselves Urban Homesteaders, raising rabbits, honeybees and homeschooling, right in a regular neighborhood, on a regular block. I like that idea. We have friends who are amazing cooks and hikers but hire out all of their yardwork. We have friends who are musicians, repairmen, repairwomen, blue collar, white collar and all sorts of family situations. But none of us lives in the actual city or the actual country and none of us are suburban jerkos, obsessed with our lawns or going to the mall.
We are choosing to raise our kids right here because of the neighborhood. It is amazing, a truly supportive community, with activities and friends and a real sense of kids first. Yeah, lots of those kids you never see--they go from school to lessons to dads house to moms house to daycare to grandmas to school to lessons to camp..their little feet rarely stepping out of the car. But for all of those poor little souls, there are tons of kids who really do play with sticks and mud and who run run run until their cheeks blaze pink and it has nothing to do with tokens, flashing lights or high fructose corn syrup, bless their hearts.
We have a unique opportunity and burden raising kids right now. Too many choices can be a burden, but such an opportunity, as well. Read up, learn alot, and follow your hearts, parents. Then put down all those books and just be with the kids. Watch them, listen to them, see what feels right, see what brings out their best, see what does not. Build your lives accordingly, as finances will allow, remembering all along the vast majority of people on Earth who do not have any such trivial "choices" to make at all!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
confessions/new ways
So I have been working EXTREMELY diligently on this whole new realm of running a proper family. As in, the budget. The menus. The daily tasks, the weekly tasks, the activities.....its alot!
How can I, in my 13th year of marriage, just be starting this? In my 12th year of motherhood, with 5 kids? I do not know.
Maybe in my rebellious way I thought being a "soccer mom" with an electronic pda in my well groomed hand was too repugnant for my rock n roll sensibilities and so I was stuck in the quagmire of being in my 20's, a wifey and yet just a girl, a mother and a homeowner and yet more than satisfied with the promise of a little taco bell on a friday nite with my friends and my husband....yeah it was hard to pay the bills, but hey man, bills are bullshit, right? Pay the mortgage/rent, get some groceries, the rest works out....
*ahem*
it is not cute anymore. It never was, but there was no one to show me any different. I had myself convinced that we were kinda middle class--we had cable and a car, right? anyhow, we hit rock bottom tons of times. Didnt even phase us, really, to have no money, negative money, etc. It was like a dream, just a weird low level stress dream, and there was always that vaguely self-pitying fantasy that "we didnt make alot of money" and that we should be "proud" that we lived at all on such modest means, and with no debt!
Well, in our family pregnancy is expensive. Not babies. Not kids. Pregnancy. The cost: Loss of One Adult--Mom! What does this mean? This means that I, the Mom, will kind of make meals and will do the homeschool lessons, but thats about it. No budgeting, no menus, no grocery shopping, no bill organizing, no saving, impromptu restaurant purchases daily, special herbs, special comfort items, special drinks special pillows special movies clothes shoes music books bedding support garments AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
But we are done with pregnancy. And my husband tried his darndest. He is an astonishingly helpful person, but he works all day, he's worse (read: optimistic/in denial) with money than I am, and well, he ran the show 5 times, and I am now officially considering myself being in an intense period of maternity since 2002 (See other blog for explanation).
SO
I came to my mom, who is incredible with money, and begged her for advice AND money. And she did. She helped us out, but better than that, it helped us learn to do this on our own now. I had the worrysome task of presenting her with ALL the information, and flat out asking her if we were delusional or if we could actually live on what Steve makes. I thought there was a higher than 50% chance she would say "get a job, deary" but she came back with great news: we could do it, and save, too! So we made good trial "worksheets" and several attempted budget plans, but they still didnt seem right. They seemed un realistic, too simplistic, what was the problem, exactly? Why didnt mom's little sheets about "Gas, Electric, Groceries, Cable, rent" seem to have anything to do with wherever it was that the money was going? We had sworn off restaurants, gifts, new clothes, slurpees, drivin around whatsoever, Steve eating lunch out, electronics, entertainment....so where the hell was the money going?
ahem. the martyrous and virtuous ME, buying the martyous and virtuous MISCELLANEA, is where. To WalMart Corp, thank you. How embarassing! Was it knick knacks? Candles? Throw pillows? No, no, no, none of that would have passed my new frugal standards of acceptability--it was just--miscellanea! Nothing exciting! Stuff we "need" that was "super cheap here at walmart so I better grab it". Tape. (do other moms, homeschoolers or otherwise, buy as much scotch tape as we do?) Sandwhich bags. Straws. Kleenex. I dont know!!!! But I buy ALOT of it. Grab grab grab throw it in the cart its only 2 bucks its only 3 bucks its only 4 bucks holy crap why is my bill 80, 90, 120$ what did i do its nothing exciting at all i might as well have bought some gorgeous new shoes and took the whole family camping in them, this SUCKS!
So THAT is the part 2 of this new me, this new organized penny pinching me. Part one was Mom gives us money and we are forever grateful and we pay all our bills and swear to stop spending on anything exciting fun or tasty. Fine. Got it. but part TWO is where the real deal begins, facing my apparent addiction to putting flibbety flub in the cart. and its never ever anything cool, thats what kills me! Its never Halloween decor, its never little socks with whimsical patterns on them, its never raspberry body spritzer or curtain rods with little glass balls on the ends of them! These are the thingies I proudly ignore when I shop at the insideous walmart---but its the lesser stuff that is still killing us.
I am in full charge of the bank account online. I also write it all down, even though its all right there almost instantaneously online, I write it all down. And I have goals. Pay the bills, by the food, gas up the car....but THEN I want to save up for a real van. A Full Size Van. We are unsafe in our minivan AND its horrid to all be in it.
I am also staying home tons more. If we want the car for the day we have to drive Daddy to work and of course go pick him up. I am thinking alot more before we just do this randomly. If I have no car we will not drive about spending gas. We will not shop. We will more likely be home doing our habits and rhythms. There will be a much higher chance of me cooking the planned meals. THEN I can go out in the evenings, (with the baby unless its a real quickie thing) to get away get a break get my head on straight, have a time where I am not being asking a trillion questions or breaking up fights or wincing in pain from the screaming/squealing noises of our household as of late. I like the library for something like that, and have to make sure my library -bound car doesn't head for Target or Walmart instead for some innocuous 90 dollar toilet paper instead ;)
Mom, if you read this blog, (does anyone?) I already told you this but you saved our family, for reals. Thank you.
Mom, if you read this blog, (does anyone?) I already told you this but you saved our family, for reals. Thank you.
To everyone else who kinda knows they need to cut back and kinda knows how but gets sort of stuck at those cute recipe idea areas of those cute frugal livin websites---maybe you are just buying too much damn flibbety flub at walmart. Its worth checking it out! Maybe you dont have to bake your own saltines or sew your own winter coat. Maybe thats not for you right now. Maybe just a hiatus from all shopping whatsoever. Im trying.
Organize our schedules
Plan menus and do not stray from them
Organize and plan for our income
Keep working on finding a rhythm for our housework
Keep up the good new homeschool routines
Stick to bed times, naptimes
Make and keep special days for special events--make things meaningful and instill the fine art of waiting for something in the children
Less spontaneity
Keep on top of it all daily
Make time for fun as well as time for work
Value our time and see the worth in organizing it
Value our money and see the worth in budgeting it
Special days of the week for certain activities
Bedtimes for grownups (!!!!!!!!!!!!!! uncool!!!!!!! panic!!!!!! but always worth it!!!!!!)
Thursday, October 2, 2008
: )
Did I mention how much I love our dear little new house?
It is just right. Truly-- in the way the Mama Bears chair was too soft and Daddy Bears chair was too hard but Baby Bears chair was just right--- that is this house.
Sure we could use more bedrooms, sure we could use more bathrooms, sure the kitchen is minuscule...but I love it love it love it.
It is a cozy cabin to me. It is easy to clean. It gets warm about a minute after you turn the heater on, and cool the minute you turn the a/c on. It is sunny and sweet and I dont think I want to move for a long long time--very unlike me, not that I am a dissatisfied person but more than I am a wanderlust person.
I just love our dear little house. There are a million trees, a nice little winding path, golden wood floors, it is just absolutely perfect.
It is just right. Truly-- in the way the Mama Bears chair was too soft and Daddy Bears chair was too hard but Baby Bears chair was just right--- that is this house.
Sure we could use more bedrooms, sure we could use more bathrooms, sure the kitchen is minuscule...but I love it love it love it.
It is a cozy cabin to me. It is easy to clean. It gets warm about a minute after you turn the heater on, and cool the minute you turn the a/c on. It is sunny and sweet and I dont think I want to move for a long long time--very unlike me, not that I am a dissatisfied person but more than I am a wanderlust person.
I just love our dear little house. There are a million trees, a nice little winding path, golden wood floors, it is just absolutely perfect.
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