confessions/new ways

So I have been working EXTREMELY diligently on this whole new realm of running a proper family. As in, the budget. The menus. The daily tasks, the weekly tasks, the activities.....its alot!

How can I, in my 13th year of marriage, just be starting this? In my 12th year of motherhood, with 5 kids? I do not know.

Maybe in my rebellious way I thought being a "soccer mom" with an electronic pda in my well groomed hand was too repugnant for my rock n roll sensibilities and so I was stuck in the quagmire of being in my 20's, a wifey and yet just a girl, a mother and a homeowner and yet more than satisfied with the promise of a little taco bell on a friday nite with my friends and my husband....yeah it was hard to pay the bills, but hey man, bills are bullshit, right? Pay the mortgage/rent, get some groceries, the rest works out....

*ahem*

it is not cute anymore. It never was, but there was no one to show me any different. I had myself convinced that we were kinda middle class--we had cable and a car, right? anyhow, we hit rock bottom tons of times. Didnt even phase us, really, to have no money, negative money, etc. It was like a dream, just a weird low level stress dream, and there was always that vaguely self-pitying fantasy that "we didnt make alot of money" and that we should be "proud" that we lived at all on such modest means, and with no debt!

Well, in our family pregnancy is expensive. Not babies. Not kids. Pregnancy. The cost: Loss of One Adult--Mom! What does this mean? This means that I, the Mom, will kind of make meals and will do the homeschool lessons, but thats about it. No budgeting, no menus, no grocery shopping, no bill organizing, no saving, impromptu restaurant purchases daily, special herbs, special comfort items, special drinks special pillows special movies clothes shoes music books bedding support garments AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

But we are done with pregnancy. And my husband tried his darndest. He is an astonishingly helpful person, but he works all day, he's worse (read: optimistic/in denial) with money than I am, and well, he ran the show 5 times, and I am now officially considering myself being in an intense period of maternity since 2002 (See other blog for explanation).

SO

I came to my mom, who is incredible with money, and begged her for advice AND money. And she did. She helped us out, but better than that, it helped us learn to do this on our own now. I had the worrysome task of presenting her with ALL the information, and flat out asking her if we were delusional or if we could actually live on what Steve makes. I thought there was a higher than 50% chance she would say "get a job, deary" but she came back with great news: we could do it, and save, too! So we made good trial "worksheets" and several attempted budget plans, but they still didnt seem right. They seemed un realistic, too simplistic, what was the problem, exactly? Why didnt mom's little sheets about "Gas, Electric, Groceries, Cable, rent" seem to have anything to do with wherever it was that the money was going? We had sworn off restaurants, gifts, new clothes, slurpees, drivin around whatsoever, Steve eating lunch out, electronics, entertainment....so where the hell was the money going?

ahem. the martyrous and virtuous ME, buying the martyous and virtuous MISCELLANEA, is where. To WalMart Corp, thank you. How embarassing! Was it knick knacks? Candles? Throw pillows? No, no, no, none of that would have passed my new frugal standards of acceptability--it was just--miscellanea! Nothing exciting! Stuff we "need" that was "super cheap here at walmart so I better grab it". Tape. (do other moms, homeschoolers or otherwise, buy as much scotch tape as we do?) Sandwhich bags. Straws. Kleenex. I dont know!!!! But I buy ALOT of it. Grab grab grab throw it in the cart its only 2 bucks its only 3 bucks its only 4 bucks holy crap why is my bill 80, 90, 120$ what did i do its nothing exciting at all i might as well have bought some gorgeous new shoes and took the whole family camping in them, this SUCKS!

So THAT is the part 2 of this new me, this new organized penny pinching me. Part one was Mom gives us money and we are forever grateful and we pay all our bills and swear to stop spending on anything exciting fun or tasty. Fine. Got it. but part TWO is where the real deal begins, facing my apparent addiction to putting flibbety flub in the cart. and its never ever anything cool, thats what kills me! Its never Halloween decor, its never little socks with whimsical patterns on them, its never raspberry body spritzer or curtain rods with little glass balls on the ends of them! These are the thingies I proudly ignore when I shop at the insideous walmart---but its the lesser stuff that is still killing us.

I am in full charge of the bank account online. I also write it all down, even though its all right there almost instantaneously online, I write it all down. And I have goals. Pay the bills, by the food, gas up the car....but THEN I want to save up for a real van. A Full Size Van. We are unsafe in our minivan AND its horrid to all be in it.

I am also staying home tons more. If we want the car for the day we have to drive Daddy to work and of course go pick him up. I am thinking alot more before we just do this randomly. If I have no car we will not drive about spending gas. We will not shop. We will more likely be home doing our habits and rhythms. There will be a much higher chance of me cooking the planned meals. THEN I can go out in the evenings, (with the baby unless its a real quickie thing) to get away get a break get my head on straight, have a time where I am not being asking a trillion questions or breaking up fights or wincing in pain from the screaming/squealing noises of our household as of late. I like the library for something like that, and have to make sure my library -bound car doesn't head for Target or Walmart instead for some innocuous 90 dollar toilet paper instead ;)
Mom, if you read this blog, (does anyone?) I already told you this but you saved our family, for reals. Thank you.

To everyone else who kinda knows they need to cut back and kinda knows how but gets sort of stuck at those cute recipe idea areas of those cute frugal livin websites---maybe you are just buying too much damn flibbety flub at walmart. Its worth checking it out! Maybe you dont have to bake your own saltines or sew your own winter coat. Maybe thats not for you right now. Maybe just a hiatus from all shopping whatsoever. Im trying.

Organize our schedules

Plan menus and do not stray from them

Organize and plan for our income

Keep working on finding a rhythm for our housework

Keep up the good new homeschool routines

Stick to bed times, naptimes

Make and keep special days for special events--make things meaningful and instill the fine art of waiting for something in the children

Less spontaneity

Keep on top of it all daily

Make time for fun as well as time for work

Value our time and see the worth in organizing it

Value our money and see the worth in budgeting it

Special days of the week for certain activities

Bedtimes for grownups (!!!!!!!!!!!!!! uncool!!!!!!! panic!!!!!! but always worth it!!!!!!)

: )

Did I mention how much I love our dear little new house?

It is just right. Truly-- in the way the Mama Bears chair was too soft and Daddy Bears chair was too hard but Baby Bears chair was just right--- that is this house.



Sure we could use more bedrooms, sure we could use more bathrooms, sure the kitchen is minuscule...but I love it love it love it.



It is a cozy cabin to me. It is easy to clean. It gets warm about a minute after you turn the heater on, and cool the minute you turn the a/c on. It is sunny and sweet and I dont think I want to move for a long long time--very unlike me, not that I am a dissatisfied person but more than I am a wanderlust person.



I just love our dear little house. There are a million trees, a nice little winding path, golden wood floors, it is just absolutely perfect.

Chemically induced bliss

LOL great title, right?

Well, lemme tell you about something I am quite excited to do today, lil' miss housewifey that I am full time again ;)

I saw a commercial for Mr. Clean with Febreeze scent and I immediately sent Daddy and the kids out to get some! now, lest any greenies try to tell me how bad that stuff is, I am going to interrupt you; this hippie mama has been using White Vinegar and Dr Bronners to clean her entire world for over 10 years....floors, diapers, bathroom, glass....but ya know what? I want to smell something other than old salad today! And that is why I am going to do all the dishes, pick up all the toys, and make up a big hot bucket of Mr. Clean with Febreeze scent. I am opening all the windows and this place is going to be Y-U-M-M-Y! I am doing floors, walls, and all surfaces and hopefully some little kidlets will want to join me in the scrub and sniff fun.

With 2 rabbits, a cat, a diaper pail, 6 people's garbage, and a house whose windows have been shut for SIX months, this is going to be a big, big improvement! Hooray!

Joy's Carpet Cleaning service

Last summer, I was faced with a little dilemma: to throw out or to professionally clean a beloved rug of ours. The thing is, it was only about $40 to start with, and I did not want to do either thing, but it was FILTHY. It had been rolled up for months, and there was dried smashed banana on it, and general grime--I think even some cat barf.

So, I tried something that would not hinder my options to still get the thing professionally cleaned or to of course throw it out.....here is what I did.

I made a big bucket of hot water with a little splash of Tide in it. I took the rug out to the driveway, and got on my hands and knees and just crawled all over this thing, scrubbing and scrubbing every inch of it with an old wooden bristle-brush. I scrubbed and scrubbed it with hot detergent water, soaking it, and the bubbles were grey, and I wasn't sure if this was working at all...but on I scrubbed. My knees hurt, my back ached, and I felt like I looked ridiculous to the neighbors with my big ole butt in the air in the driveway--but there was no where else to do this!

then I hung the heavy soaking wet soapy rug up over the fence, draping it over both sides, and just blasted it with the hose for a long, long time. Filthy water poured off of this thing, but eventually went from grey bubbles to grey water to clear water. I rinsed and rinsed and rinsed it with the hose nozzle set to the harshest spray level, and then left it there to dry in the sun. It wasn't even that hot (or sunny!) of a day, but there was nothing else to do with it.

I went out to check on it after about 2 hours and Lo and Behold it was clean! Really, really clean, and the pile was as fluffy as the day I got it. It was also almost dry, and so I flipped it around to get the rest of the day's sun on the other side.

Like I said, this thing was only about 40 dollars, but I saved it and I learned a great technique in the meantime. I even considered cleaning other people's rugs for them, for maybe 15 bucks?

It is very IKEA-ish but it was originally from KMart. I remember distinctly the night I ran to Kmart for a quick errand and came home with the big polka dot rug...it was just so cute that Steve understood right away why the random purchase. I am so glad we didnt have to get rid of it!!!!!

a lament

I read this today on Mothering, and it was a cute story, but it made me really sad....because I, a life-long Michigander, have alwasy been the one to "stick up for" winter. When people heard that there was a forecast for snow, I was always the one to think "Yippee!!", and to tell anyone within earshot what horrible scrooges they were for bemoaning and begrudging the beautiful and fun and inevitable S-N-O-W. I vowed I would never become one of these wierdos, obsessed with spring and summer--I loved to sled and skate and I have even skiied as a teenager and LOVED it.

but....but...but....its just over for me, now. We are always sick in the winter, and I mean always. there is no sledding, there is no skating. There is Daddy too sick to shovel and Mommy too sick to buy healthy groceries, and a whole lot of outrageous heating bills and pizza and misery. Hacking coughs that take our breath away, cancellations of every winter party, Valentines party, St Pattys day party and usually my own birthday party (April 3rd!) I have very few memories of not being extremely sick on my birthday.

So, even though paintings of "Up North" types of scenes, with little Cardinals and Squirellys and White Pines make me so happy, and even though I have idyllic visions of sitting on my log couch in my log cabin high up in the woods, curled up with my Woolrich red plaid blanket, Sipping on some decadent chocolate coffee, just looking and looking and looking at the birds out in the white expanses of snow, (maybe even a little notebook at my side to write down that mister bluebird came today, or Rose breasted grosebeak came back to visit) this plan is slipping out of my grasp as something that is possible for me or my family anymore, and I am really sad.

We are getting better now, but I dont dare take us anywhere. The baby is still having such harrowing, gasping coughing, and I am still getting really dizzy and wiped out when I try to do much of anything around the house, let alone dress us all for some "outing". I just feel so sad about this, and dont know if we honestly need to move somewhere else, an old fashioned notion of "delicate" health, I dont know. I just don't know. but almost 1/2 the year now is being cancelled due to this syndrome, and I dont think it is any way to live. Please dont write to me about Echinacea or garlic, we have spent hundreds if not thousands of dollars on that stuff, and it never ever helps. :(

Super Steve

My dear husband is a much under appreciated superstar at his job. This is the job where I call him screaming about "Where is the ketchup?!?!" and "How do you get Mario to the shine sprite level?!?!", and such. Well, through all of our unappreciation, not ironing his outfits, not making him breakfast, griping about his hours, grumbling about him smelling like "oil" when he gets home (arent we a horrible bunch?) he sold ONE MILLION dollars in auto parts in 2007. (He works for Volvo)

He got a presidents' club award and an invitation to a very VERY ritzy dinner gala event in which he was honored along with a roomfull of other super stars from around our state. He of course, got to bring a guest and it was me, old meanie! He had to wear a suit and tie and looked hotter than I have ever seen him. My paperdoll-baby, I was so proud to even sit by him, man is he adorable dressed up like that. It was kind of outrageous. I scraped together some hideous black sweater and long skirt thing but it wasnt my night and there was nothing else to do. Some women were in actual honest to goodness formal wear/prom dresses and some had on pants and some blouse thing. so I was fine, even though I felt pretty gross and under dressed.

This was not some weird banquet hall with mostaccioli over burners, this was a 5 course fancy meal and we had a blast. We got to carpool with an extremely silly and outrageous (anyone watch Jackass on MTV? too fun) guy from his work who is about 24 and his really funny and cool wife, and they had us cracking up and feeling young and childless all the way there. We sat with them and had the "fun table", it was alot like our wedding-- I was actually thinking that mashed-potato sculptures or worse would end up happening once the alcohol got flowing, but mostly funny stories about work and life were flying fast and I laughed all night long.

The EXTREMELY rich and powerful owner of the entire "collection" of dealerships (over 100 in Michigan) was there, and he ended up coming to our table more than once (like I said, we were the fun table) and he talked to me about my hair!!!!!! I handled it super well, it was all fun and good, and he very good naturedly pretended that maybe he would "go green" LOL. He was super nice, the whole thing was just so fun. We even had desserts and ice creams and joked that we needed valets to roll us out the door we were so insanely stuffed.

THEN the honorees all got a paper that had about ten choices of really nice gifts they could decide upon; leather briefcases, wooden poker sets, fishing rods, crystal trophies, and a funky McHammer jacket that the silly guys were joking about getting matching ones.....then the "dates" (me) all got LITTLE BLUE BOXES FROM TIFFANYS I do not kid about this kind of stuff.

It was a silver bracelet, very cool and normal looking. I couldnt believe I actually got something from Tiffanys! First of all, if Steve ever got me something from there I would want to take it back and have the money for other stuff! Secondly, I like to think I dont care about brand names---but it was still so cool, right??

We never did get pictures of our dear hotty Steve as he took that suit off the second we got home, greeting our amazing friend Trish, and the kids, in the hustle and bustle of all that, I never took a picture of him...Thank you dear dear Trish who babysat so cheerfully and for so late on a weeknight...

But here is my blue box and my bracelet. I am so proud of Stevie and am going to be alot more supportive and alot less selfish and ridiculous to him from now on.

cooly house

Of all the styles I like, of all the things I find beautiful and cool and awesome and exciting, I will have to say that the log-cabin is the number one for me. Do you know that store, Outdoor World? It is this giant mega mart of fishing and hunting crap, crazy tents and grills and boats and acorn shirts for Grandmas, but the whole thing in there just gets me so excited. I want to "do" my house up like that. I want a bed with big huge logs for the frame of it. I want log couch, too. Log walls. Wood floors. Massive amounts of money spent on feeding and enjoying and listening to the birds, identifying them, recording it all down, encouraging them to nest and stay all year. On my log couch with my special sitting nook and coffee coffee coffee and tea tea tea and yeah hell yeah the new agey tribal flutes Cd, too-- all of it. The Oak leaf fleece blanket on my slippered feet. A mountain retreat?

Ok so what about the high rise and IKEA and pink neon plastic JPop ornaments and Chinese paper star lanterns and the Bubble Chair and post modern modern 3 story deluxe apartment in da sky? I don't think they are mutually exclusive. At all.

So the closest to my dream would be the kinda stuff you see on maybe Extreme Homes or something, even though none of it is very crazy. I want beauty and peace and woodsy modernism. Like Cardinals and acorns but drawn in a cool way.